overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
