it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
