How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
