btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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