did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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