Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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