There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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