Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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