O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
