My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
