I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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