didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
