I wanna bring you to show and tell
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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