I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
