Quick, to the slutcave!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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