You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
