Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
