So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
