i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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