Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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