i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
