I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
