I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
