I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
