i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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