So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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