i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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