Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
