On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
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