Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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