fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
