Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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