I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
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Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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