Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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