i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
