I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here