I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper