you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
