I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
