five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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