dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
