I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
