I'm really into asian looking animals
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
