i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Two words: blizzard sex
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
