found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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