Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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