Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
