Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
