Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
