Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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