i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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