I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
