so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
