Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
