Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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