I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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