Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
