i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
