Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
