what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
