oh god the rape fog is back!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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