Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
