i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
